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If that is familiar, you are not imagining it, and you are not alone.
You do not need a label for the other person to recognise the effect it is having on you.
Maybe this is you
You feel anxious before they walk in
You replay conversations, trying to work out how it became your fault
You apologise for things you did not do
You have quietly started to wonder whether you are the problem
This happens to people in relationships, families and friendships, of every background and any gender.
What you may be after
Naming the pattern, plainly
Emotional abuse
Coercive control
Gaslighting, being made to doubt your own memory and reality
Trauma bonds, a powerful pull towards someone who hurts you
High-conflict dynamics that never resolve
You do not need a diagnosis to recognise the effect. The effect is the thing we work with.
A normal response to an abnormal situation
Living under steady tension keeps your nervous system on high alert. Your body learns to scan for danger and shut down to get through. That is part of why it can be hard to think clearly, decide, or leave, even when part of you knows something is wrong. This is not weakness, and not a character flaw. Counselling can help your system learn safety again, so that clarity and choice can come back.
What happens
Reach out, in confidence. A WhatsApp is the easiest first step.
First session, simply understanding what you have been living with and what you need.
Start where you are. Still in it, or finding your feet afterwards. You do not have to have decided anything.
Sessions are one to one, in Table View or online, and entirely confidential.
The practical facts
You do not have to navigate this alone.
Reach out for a confidential conversation when you are ready.
Registered Counsellor · HPCSA PRC0039357
If you need urgent help now
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, please go to your nearest hospital emergency room or call for help.
SADAG Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567, or SMS 31393 (24 hours)
Netcare Akeso Crisis Line: 0861 435 787 (24 hours)
In an immediate emergency, call 10111 (police) or 112 from a mobile.